^i did not paint that. though it is beautiful, no?

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rough sketch

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dragon teapot


I’m at Barnes and Nobles looking up dragons and the history of tea. I want to make a teapot that looks like a dragon. Woo!
Soon I will have to leave my comfy chair and go home to work on my school work. Today I really have not done much. I’ve been really sick for the past 8 days. Fever, aches, congestion, now just a bad cough and feeling dizzy probably from too much cough medicine. I hate being sick.

Besides being sick, I’ve been …… “eh”
Trying to focus solely on school work and getting life “in order”
It doesn’t seem to EVER be “in order”. Plans, finances, dreams, goals…they are all a mess. Just for the sake of being optimistic I will say its a “beautiful” mess.

JMU is still being difficult. Just got back from a trip to the Shore to collect legal documents proving my parents are divorced because the financial aid office doesn’t believe me and STILL won’t give me aid. REALLY? I love being at JMU but I won’t be sad when I say goodbye for good in May. Sick of bureaucratic schools. Where next? That is what keeps life fun. I love not knowing what is next. Which is why I love being young and free. I don’t want an answer to “where to next”? I just want the scenes to keep changing.

So whenever I update my blog while in school it just becomes a place for me to talk about my projects.
I will let you in on what the projects are at the moment.

1) A still life oil painting. (it’s not too exciting, but I will still show you when its done. A painting is a painting so it deserves recognition, love and time were still invested)

2) A non functional Teapot in the form of a Dragon. Because tea makes me think of Asia and Asia makes me think of Dragons. And I love dragons. Remind me to tell you why dragons are real. (They definitely are/were…I am convinced)

Pictures to come as these projects develop. ūüôā

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Where I stood

I don’t know what I’ve done
Or if I like what I’ve begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it’s all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

‘Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain’t leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

And I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

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yes please

Painting = total freedom

Learn to let it go, whatever that may be. And the best way to do that is to paint. Take any color you wish and lay it out where you want it to go and delight in your masterpiece. It’s amazing. Thankful, So thankful for paint.

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone ate and drank till they passed out.


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Oh hiiiiii!

How’s it going? Enjoying these cold days? If you are anything like me, you are pining for warmer ones.¬†¬†I’m always always pining for warmer days. Hm. What does that say about me? Well, I can say that I am enjoying well-cut jackets, peppermint tea, fireplaces, snuggling in bed for a few extra hours in the morning (no, not minutes, HOURS), and good indoor projects like…reading, painting, and designing. Oh, and J. Crew… The other night, at work, I met this woman whom I got to know well (esp since we worked from 9 pm till 5 am together). After we shared background stories and life experiences,¬†she tells me my personality is “ununiformed” and then she went on to ask how the public reacts to me. “Are people nice to you around here?”¬†I never had someone so bluntly assess my personality. She grew up in New York City (Queens/Long Island) and said my personality was entirely too loud for the country life of Lancaster, PA¬†(pop. 55,400). Wow…Thank you??

Schools. I’m waiting to hear back from VCU (Richmond, Va) and Millersville (Millersville, PA). I’m still thinking about where I should go. It will be a decision based on credit approval. VCU in that case has a better shot with me. Though MU could win…I met a lady Sunday night who wore a real fur coat that covered her whole body, and she gave me her card and told me that if i ever had a problem getting into Millersville University, She would call the President personally and pull a few strings. She is high up¬†on the¬†social ladder¬†at that school,¬†I’m not exactly sure of her position, but¬†my grandparents say she is a powerful woman. It’s all about who you know. I’m tellin’ ya.

What else, what else..

  • I see a lot of Sheep, Cows, and Chickens these days. These things do not spark my creativity, maybe I have not given them a fair chance.
  • Caramel Macchiato’s are drying up my bank. But so good, and so much energy comes out of that drink.
  • Downtown Lancaster has a really cute cafe/art gallery called Prince Street Cafe. I highly recommend.¬† The Chestnut Hill Cafe is next on my “places to go” list. Taking on PA, one coffee shop at a time. But think about it; Cafes¬†give away the soul of the city.¬†¬†The art, the food, the people who hang out there, the way they make their lattes, the way they dress…… totally gives you a true flavor for the stomping ground.

Besides the coffee, J.Crew, my Grandparents who have a never-ending supply of love, and pining for last summer… Everyday I am the same: I still have no idea what I’m doing.¬†I am still healing from¬†the wars that took place over the past 8 months. Reality has left me reeling and spinning around like I have no head, no will, no strength. I don’t know why the good and innocent¬†fall. Why¬†our lives blow about, why good intentions fail and lie dormant. I know those who need will laugh again, and the lonely will one day be lonely no more. I know God didn’t bring us out here to drown.

So here is something encouraging, maybe I am leaving this for the future me who reads this blog, or maybe you , whoever you are… This is a passage from “the furious longing of God’ by Brennan Manning:

“The past is over and done. We all stumble on our way to maturity. We all look for love in the wrong arms, happiness in the wrong places. But out of it (out of your pain, your mistakes, your struggles) , you have become real. You’ve got a heart of immense compassion for the brokenness of others. You are utterly incapable of hypocrisy, and I am deeply in love with you.” – Jesus

If you never learn a thing in your entire life, and never amount to anything by this world’s standards…understand this and¬†you woundn’t have missed a thing:

In this is Love, not that we loved God, But that He first loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins…(because face it, we’ve all blown it….over and over again) -1 John 4

Time for bed. I need to be up at 5 a.m. to fold clothing at J. Crew….for the crazy holiday shoppers.


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